Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Enjoy the penises
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
