"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
