my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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