I am in a vortex of obligation.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
