You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
