new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
