hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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