Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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