just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
