god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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