It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
