There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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