he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
