Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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