i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
