Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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