Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
