So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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