There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
