Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
