God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
