Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dicks are not precious.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
