airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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