So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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