i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
