My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
