my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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