people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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