And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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