Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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