U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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