i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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