if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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