3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
