Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
