pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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