Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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