Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
