quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
