I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
