I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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