You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
