If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
