My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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