I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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