Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
