I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
