if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
