dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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