you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
